So you and your partner have decided to say “screw you” to traditions and elope instead, and you want to plan a kick-ass elopement. Firstly, congratulations on making an amazing decision! Eloping frees you from following any wedding traditions and practices, and gives you flexibility to design your celebration in a way that fits you two perfectly. Now what?

Here’s my suggestion: plan a stay-in date night with your partner, share your favorite dinner and beverages, and dream through this list. FYI – go through this list in any order. Some items will be easier to decide than others, and help with the tougher decisions.

1. What is your perfect elopement destination?

You don’t have to elope at the courthouse (but you can if you want to), and you don’t have to elope on a mountaintop (but again, you can if you want to). Here are a few questions to ask yourselves while deciding on the perfect place in the world to elope:

• What’s our favorite spot to visit together? It could be a country, city, restaurant, or even a really pretty park in the town you grew up in. Think back through your time together and list these places out!
• Do you have any bucket-list of travel destinations? If so, put the top 1 or 2 on your list.
• What season / weather is your favorite? (if you can’t agree, do you agree on your least favorite? list this, because you’ll want to avoid it!)
• Consider your guest list (we’ll get to this later). You’ll want to think about logistics if you’re having anyone else in attendance at your elopement.
• How much time do you both plan to take off from work? This will help you decide how far is a feasible destination.

Once you’ve gone through these questions you’ll probably both have a couple ideas for location. Write them down, and then keep going! There are a few more aspects of your plan that will help you decide the perfect spot.

2. What is your “couple’s style”?

This is my favorite question because it is SO different for every couple, and there are no wrong answers! Here are a few questions I suggest thinking about to figure this out:

• What is your favorite non-work thing to do together?
• Are you cook-in or eat-out people?
• Which would you choose: A night out dancing, or a night in watching movies?
• Do you read the book or watch the movie?
• Think about fashion – do you prefer to be flashy and fashionable? Or comfortable? (or a great mix of both)
• If you could visit a vibrant urban area, or a beautiful national park, which would you choose?
• Camping or hotel?
• What inspires you both?

Okay, that’s a lot of questions, but hopefully you’ve got an idea of what I’m going for. My partner and I don’t agree on all of those things, but when I think about things that we’re in alignment on I can come up with our “style” pretty quickly.

Be super personal! Your style as a couple is YOURS. (Read: nothing is crazy. If your style is a Viking-inspired high-fashion elopement on a beach in Iceland, or a cozy and romantic elopement day in your NYC apartment with a private chef cooking your reception dinner to eat-in, anything goes!)

3. What about a guest list?

An elopement doesn’t have to be JUST the two of you. You can choose to include some friends and family if you’d like to. To fit within our “definition” of an elopement / intimate wedding, you’ll have anything from zero to twenty guests. (we talk a little more about what an elopement is in this blog)

Like with every step, take your time here. Is there anyone you can’t imagine not having with you when you say your vows? If there is anyone, invite them!

Here is your permission to NOT invite people if you don’t want to, even if they’re family. Listen, your wedding day is exactly that. YOURS. It’s the day you and your partner are committing your lives to each other, and therefore the day is only about you two. You will get pushback, and some people won’t understand why you didn’t invite them, but it’s okay. If they truly know you and love you, then they’ll absolutely understand your decision, even if it means they don’t get to come along.

As a final note on your guest list, think back to step one where you were dreaming up elopement locations. Did you choose a place? If so, think about the logistics you’ll need to handle if you have guests in attendance. If you’re eloping on a mountaintop and not everyone is up for hiking, maybe invite them to join you two for a celebration dinner afterwards.

4. What vendors should you hire?

Just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you can’t have any (or all!) of the things you do with a big wedding. You can go as simple, or as over-the-top as you want. Here is a quick list of vendors you might need, below I’ll go through my thoughts on each. If the vendor is in bold I’d definitely recommend them:

1. Wedding Planner
2. Photographer
3. Videographer
4. Officiant
5. Venue
6. Florist
7. Hair / Makeup
8. Catering
9. Cake baker
10. Transportation
11. Paper goods / Invitations
12. Rentals / Décor
13. Music

The three in bold I suggest regardless of what you’re planning for a few reasons. You need an officiant to conduct your ceremony and legally marry you (sometimes your photographer or another vendor can act as your officiant if they have the legal requirements covered), and this can be a friend or someone you hire, or an official at the courthouse or church. I always suggest hiring a wedding planner, even if you’re having a simple elopement. Your planner can help you hire other vendors, plan your design, and keep things on track so you can relax. A wedding planner is especially helpful if you’re planning to elope in a different country, and including more than just the two of you.

I always suggest hiring a great photographer (I know I’m biased, but here’s why). Your elopement is equally as important as a big wedding, but will have nobody (or very few) people in attendance. If you don’t have a photographer then there is nobody documenting your day for your own memories, as well as to share with loved ones afterward. Big weddings are photographed by a professional photographer (as well as all of the guests) 99.9% of the time, why shouldn’t your elopement be documented just as thoughtfully?

The majority of my couples also hire a florist, hair and makeup, and some sort of catering or dinner afterwards, and the couples who invite a few guests often choose to hire several more vendors. Again, you can go as in-depth here or as simple as you’d like. If you need help, reach out! Most times your photographer will have a great list of vendors to recommend, and your planner definitely does.

Last, but not least…

There are only a couple of “requirements” when you’re planning your elopement, and they’re typically based on the location you choose. Basically, what do you need to legally be married? HERE is a handy database of legal requirements state by state for the United States. If you’re getting married abroad you’ll have to look it up at each location.

Make this day your own. You don’t have to follow traditions, or design your elopement to look like any other wedding or elopement out there. Embrace your unique relationship together, and create a day that will be magical for you two…it’ll be worth it in the end!